Last week I was in a rural part of Pennsylvania. As I drove through the countryside, I noticed stacked stone walls that line the soybean fields. These uneven piles of granite, hewn from the surrounding mountains, traced the outer edges of each field, separating one plot from the next, and one farmer's land from the next.
I’ve thought a lot about those old stone fences this week - how they are at once both useful and kind of beautiful, much like the boundaries we set in our lives that define our personal space and limits.
I am learning to see boundaries not as limitations on my freedom, but as invitations to give my time, talents, and energy where I can have the most powerful and positive effect in the world. When I name the edges of my life and work, it creates clarity for those around me about their own limitations and areas of responsibility, fostering confidence and purpose in my leadership.
Setting boundaries comes down to determining where to say yes and where to say no.
I’ve discovered two factors at play in making this kind of decision: capacity and agreement.
Capacity is the resources I have available to engage: time, energy, and money. For example, if I have a full schedule and limited energy, I might need to say no to additional commitments. Agreement is the commitment I made to a particular role, relationship, or outcome. If I've committed to a project with clear deadlines and resources, I'm more likely to say yes.
Here’s how the tool works:
If I have high capacity and high (meaning clear) agreement, then my answer should probably be “yes”.
If I have low capacity and low (unclear or non-existent) agreement, then my answer should probably be “no”.
If I have high capacity and low agreement or low capacity and high agreement, then my answer should be “maybe,” followed by a re-evaluation of my priorities and possible re-negotiation of my agreement in that area.
Where could you benefit from evaluating yeses and nos today? Where have your fences been knocked over or never built in the first place? Where are you being invited to work with greater clarity and freedom? Where is your fuel to do the work diminishing?
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