Relax and Lead like a Human
Relaxation came when I least expected it. It happened almost exactly a week into a two-week vacation. It had been our worst day. A near car accident, a failed lunch recommendation, sunburned shoulders, and a kid on the verge of meltdown. Ever had one of those days? Are you having one now?
At our wits end, we gave up on our plans for an epic day and just drove to a beach. We weren’t prepared. No swimsuits, towels, or cooler full of snacks. With rickety camp chairs and a towel in hand, we kicked off our shoes, dug our feet into the sand, and stared out at the blue wilderness spread out before us. This was what giving up looked like. And it seemed like the best decision of the day.
On a whim, I decided to jump in. I pulled my sweaty shirt over my head, turned to my wife and blurted out, “I’m going in.” “Do whatever you need to,” she quipped. The water wasn’t cold, but I still waded in hesitantly, feeling the edge of the waves with my palms, as if I could decide how and when to let the water hit my pale skin.
For a moment, I realized I didn’t have a plan. Was I going to play in the waves like a kid? Would I swim out past the breakers? Would I just stand there? For the second time I let go of thinking, plans, or judgement and just let go. Letting go in the ocean was surprisingly easy. I leaned back, looked at the clouds, and the briny seawater did the rest. Before I knew what was happening, the only thing I could see was my toes peeking out of the frothy teal water. I was floating.
As I bobbed up and down with the undulating, rhythm of the sea, I felt something really strange. I felt it first in my body. All the tension — the tight feeling in my chest, the pinch in my back, the slight headache I felt most of the day, maybe even most of my life — melted away, pulled out into the vastness of the Pacific Ocean. And then I felt it somewhere deeper. I was strangely and suddenly aware that I wasn’t thinking about anything important for the first time in a long while. Absorbed in the present moment of the sea holding me and the presence of the clouds bearing witness to my beautiful unraveling, I felt something new and different and wonderful. I felt relaxed.
I don’t know how long I floated there, since part of the relaxing was losing track of time. I imagine it wasn’t long enough. Thinking about that experience, I realize that I want more of it. I think we are meant to live and work from a place like my time floating in the sea. I think we are meant to relax more often and more deeply than we do.
A few thoughts on relaxing:
1. Relaxing is the choice to release control.
2. Relaxing is meant to be a first thing, not a last thing.
3. Relaxing leads to an unleashing of creativity and potential that striving does not.
4. Relaxing requires the right supporting environment. We need places of safety to rest and let go.
5. Relaxing begins with the body and extends into the mind and heart. The choice and discipline that precedes relaxing is first a somatic posture that opens the pathway to let go of intrusive thoughts and feel true emotions.
6. Relaxing is a discipline that every leader must embrace to lead as human beings leading other human beings.
I think I'll take more time to let go and float. I hope you will too.
